Chapter Free

          Chapter titles have long been an important thing to me. I confess when judging a book, I usually look at a couple different things… 1. The cover (I know, but ignoring the cliché for a moment, you know you do it too!) 2. The first sentence 3. Whether or not the chapters have titles.

If you know me, you probably know my favorite book is “Love Does” by Bob Goff. Now you may ask how Bob passed my criteria with flying colors. Well, I’m glad you asked! First of all, balloons backed by a favorite shade of sky blue covers number one. I mean, who doesn’t love balloons?? His first sentence in the introduction is, “I do all my best thinking on Tom Sawyer Island at Disneyland.” That sure grabs my attention! Side note: for those who enjoy “Love Does” as much as I have, may be delighted to know that my brother and his wife went to Disneyland recently, and proved this to be very true! Now to my third point, chapter titles. The first one to grab your attention are titles like “The Reach,” “Ryan in Love,” and “Go Buy Your Books!,” and “A Word not to Use.”

I think chapter titles do a few things for the reader. It gives the author a chance to introduce his idea to you before you read the chapter. And it gives the reader a preconceived idea of what the chapter will be about. Rarely would a title be purposefully misleading. Maybe at first, you’ll find the chapter titled “Peace of my Mind” to be about nothing but conflict, restlessness, and nothing but peace in a relationship. But more often than not, at the end of the chapter the author leads you to a conclusion of peace despite some difficult circumstances along the way.

I’ve seen the Lord operate in my life with chapter titles quite often. In my experience, He uses different ways to communicate with us in ways we will listen. I love stories and storytelling, and I’ve noticed that He does too. That’s a way He’s chosen for me to function and a way that He can operate in my life to shape me into His image. As I go through different seasons in my life sometimes the Lord will reveal certain words to me that I then see played out through circumstances, stories I hear or read about.

This summer the word has been “Freedom.” I was a little confused at first because I believed this new chapter would be about independence or rebellion or something and I was like… um really God? But I learned quickly that my definition of freedom wasn’t the same as the Biblical definition. Happens quite a lot actually.

My first experience was when I traveled to Italy. Lots of baby steps took place in that trip which you can read about in my last blogpost. A year ago I would’ve never imagined myself spending five weeks away from my home and my family in a different country, much less going off by myself in the afternoons and sitting at a café alone. I’ve mentioned my anxiety disorder a few times either on my blog or in a conversation with you. (I’d be happy to have a tell you all about how God is redeeming me in that area over a cup of coffee!) Last year I had at least two panic attacks on an airplane. One was an international flight with 4 hours left on the journey. I’m happy to say that I took MANY flights and train rides while overseas and did not have to use Xanax once!! This was a HUGE victory. I also climbed to the top of the Capitol building in Rome which defied all of my opposition and fears to gravity.

Once home, I assumed this chapter would close and a new one would begin, but I was surprised that my anxiety was only one area the Lord wanted to reach in me. He wanted me to realized that the idea that my anxiety is my identity is a LIE. I got really excited about what He was doing and dove head first into this adventure of “Freedom.”

I’ve experienced freedom in areas of health, relationships, mentally, and spiritually! My doctor and I have made leaps and bounds in my health journey. (Looking forward to blogging about that soon!) I went from suffering physically, mentally, and spiritually from adrenal fatigue and chronic pain, to thriving in a job this summer which keeps me on my feet all day and having enough energy to play with kiddos.

Mentally, there were several barriers of fear that I needed to push past to get to where I am today. This started on a fifty-minute flight to Little Rock, AR I took in July entirely alone. As excited as I was to take this next step in freedom, I had battle waging inside of me. My body struggles understanding the difference of “good adrenaline” and “bad adrenaline.” You’ve probably thought of this as separate if you’ve never experienced the hormonal confusion of your brain convincing you that running two minutes late for a class equates as watching your life flash before your eyes before a car accident. Good adrenaline is what you feel before a performance that gives you a feeling of nervousness but then allows you to have energy. Bad adrenaline is what terrifies you before a car accident or if a shooter points a gun at your head. The freedom I felt on the plane and later on a drive to Plano driving across an overpass for the first time alone was so exhilarating it cannot be encompassed in words.

I pray that there are some of you who, as you read this, have an innate desire to taste this freedom. Well I have good news! It’s offered free of charge to anyone who believes in Christ as your Lord and savior. Imagine that! Freedom in love without a cost to us because HE in His great love paid it.  As my Lord I believe that He has absorbed the weight of my worry and sin. He is so much greater than my fear. This whole journey began with one prayer. Reading through Romans 8 one day, I realized that I was still holding on to my sin and judgment as if I was still under the law that leads to death. Of course I would never experience the Freedom in Christ if I was still living as if I was a slave to sin.

“For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus

from the law of sin and death.”

Romans 8:2

I’ve let doubt, lies, and fears take root in my heart choking the freedom that I can feel spiritually as a child of God. Instead of allowing myself to feel treasured and beloved by my heavenly Father, I’ve succumbed to lies that I am not forgiven and so I’ve condemned myself and convinced myself that I have failed him again and again. But my thoughts about myself don’t determine who I am. I am who Jesus is shaping me to become. My identity is found in Him, not my anxiety, my weaknesses, or fears.

I’m excited to finish the summer continuing to conquer my fears, displace lies, and experience Freedom in Christ. Early in July I committed Ephesians 2:4-10 to memory and made it my verse for the summer. 

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith.

And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, 

which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

Ephesians 2:4-10